You're not supposed to have ambivalent feelings about being a mom. You're supposed to love every minute of it. You may complain at times, but you tell people you wouldn't have it any other way.
I love being a mom--don't get me wrong--but some days are just so dull.
Today Milo and I did nothing. We stayed in, as usual, and played with the same old toys. You see, I don't always have access to a car during the day. Couple this with the fact that it's cold outside and you have two house-bound people. It sucks.
And today he would not nap until three hours past his normal naptime. Spare me, child!
Most of all, what I think was worst about today was that we missed play group. Play group is our time to socialize with other babies and mamas. It's a much-needed thing, especially for someone like me who tends to be antisocial. (I'm not always, but sometimes I am.)
And we missed that today. Blah. I've come to the realization that to escape these doldrums I need to do the thing I dread--pick up the damn phone and call someone. I loathe the phone. It's just so awkward and I always feel that I'm annoying people. Email is better for convenience but then you risk not getting a response. Even though I often forget to respond to people, I hate when it happens to me. The only way to get a real-time response is to make that call. So here I go. Like a little kid I have to work up the nerve to dial the right number and sheepishly ask, "Hey... ummm... Do you want to, like, hang out or something?"
But if I don't do this, we'll be stuck in this same boring situation and it will suck ass because I'll know it's all my fault for not being assertive enough to change things. And both Milo and I will suffer the consequences.
Disclaimer: OK, so I'm not nearly this bad with the phone, but I hate it nonetheless. See, I actually pick it up once in a while.