Why? (#1)

I ask "WHY?" about a million things in life. (Duh, we all do.)

WHY are people so blind?
WHY is my son is bed yet?
WHY does Pandora think I'll like some wussy emo-pop song?
WHYwhyWHY...

Here is the story of the moment that I ask WHY about... Actually, I don't ask WHY about this story per se... but rather the impetus for the story. Why are people lining up to vaccinate their babies against swine flu??? Hasn't the illness peaked and pretty much left? Was it even so bad to begin with? And, here's proof it's not even strong enough to work: it was recalled.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/16/health/16flu.html?_r=1

Vaccines piss me off. Not because of their intention but because of the way people blindly line up to get them and the way doctors act like you're psycho if you refuse 'em.

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And... Why is my baby waking up??!

Techno Mom

I now have an iPhone! Yep I'm a hipster snob for real now. So I just wanted to test posting blogs from my phone. If this works maybe I'll update this thing more often!

It was a crazy weekend and Milo just took his first nap since Friday!!




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Rough-And-Tumble Toddler

Check out this super tough guy. 19 months and a total toddler. Yes, I'm stuck in a world of tantrums and gimmes... (and teething at the moment).

Vote in the 2009 VegNews VeggieAwards--Represent Ohio Veg Businesses!

VegNews Magazine's ballot is up for the 2009 VeggieAwards. Now is your chance for vote for the best of all things vegan. Choose your favorite veg restaurant, bakery, cookie and city, among other categories. My goal was to vote for places close to home.

Of course, most of the places listed are in NYC, San Francisco and LA... I was disappointed that the VegiTerrarean, our local ("local" as defined by Cleveland+) awesome vegan eatery was missing from the "Best Restaurant" category. Not to worry--I wrote in their vote. Even though I love some of the restaurants in the running, I had to represent our region. Cleveland+ represent!

Sadly, that was the only opportunity to represent our city in the 2009 VeggieAwards unless I wrote-in other places--none of which would be entirely vegan. However, I did feel good rep'ing Ohio by casting a vote for Columbus' Pattycake Bakery under the "Best Bakery" category. They make some of the best vegan treats ever and deserve to win. Last year a bakery in NYC won and, while I'm sure their treats are divine, the Midwest deserves some props.

I want to see Cleveland blossom as a veg-friendly city. We have much to offer--it's just scattered amongst the corned beef and ribs. We have vegan grilled cheese sandwiches at Melt, vegan cupcakes and cookies at Sweetie Pie Bakery in Lakewood, dairy-free ice cream treats at Tremont Scoops, and plenty of ethnic restaurants that offer some of the best tofu dishes around (Vietnamese joint Tay Do comes to mind). Let's keep the momentum going. We definitely need an all-vegan restaurant in the city. Then maybe we'll get some recognition. We have accomplished a lot here in Cleveland but, admittently, we have much more to do. I mean if Philadelphia (Phildelphia?!) can be listed as one of the choices for best vegan city, we surely can be listed some day, too. Dream big.

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Speaking of Pattycake, I just scored some of their tollhouse cookies, moonpies and buckeye bars today. This is strange because I was sick last night and had a dream my bf was going to Columbus and was stopping at Pattycake. And I was sad because I was too sick to get anything. Luckily, I'm not so sick anymore and can I properly enjoy some tollhouse cookies. Mmmm.

Vegan in Cleveland: Tremont

A few days ago I walked around Tremont with my son. Previously, I wrote off Tremont as a snobby, trendy, gentrified area littered with condos and yups. But now I realize that was a hastily-made generalization. Tremont is actually really cute and diverse. Plus, they have a kick-ass bookstore called Visible Voices that has an amazing selection of political books and magazines.

Even more, their old-fashioned ice cream parlor, Tremont Scoops, has a whole line of vegan treats. From vegan cookie ice cream sandwiches to vegan oreo cream pie, Tremont Scoops has the treat for you. They also have vegan buckeyes (YUM!), "nutty buddy" bars, Tofutti ice cream, "cheese" cakes and so much more. My son completely devoured the vanilla Tofutti... he definitely was a happy boy.

Lago, a restaurant specializing in Northern Italian cusine, offers vegetarian specials on Mondays from 5 p.m. to 10 p.m. and offer a vegan risotto. Ty Fun Bistro is a Thai restaurant offering many vegan entrees.

So, yeah, it may be artsy-trendy and full of expensive (non-vegan) restaurants, but Tremont also has plenty of gems for the hungry vegan. And it's pretty. Just take a stroll around Lincoln Park on a sunny day and you'll fall in love.

[Images via "stu_spivack" (Flickr)]

ADA Says Vegetarian and Vegan Diets are Healthful for All Stages of Life

Here is more arsenal for the veg movement: On July 1, 2009, the American Dietetic Association (ADA) updated its position paper on vegetarian/vegan diets, concluding that an animal-free diet is healthy for all ages.

It is the position of the American Dietetic Association that appropriately planned vegetarian diets, including total vegetarian or vegan diets, are healthful, nutritionally adequate and may provide health benefits in the prevention and treatment of certain diseases. Well-planned vegetarian diets are appropriate for individuals during all stages of the life-cycle including pregnancy, lactation, infancy, childhood and adolescence and for athletes.

Say it loud, say it proud: I'm veg and I'm proud (and healthy, too!).

Vegan Family Friends

There are days when I feel so alone being vegan. Sure, there are other vegan folk around but they're all single. Some days it's tough raising a vegan family. Am I the only one doing this? There are those days... when everyone is giving their kids Goldfish crackers... or days when the moms are discussing the best organic beef... or when someone makes endless dumb vegan jokes in front of your child. Yeah, those days. The days when I need to hear someone say, "You, too? And I thought I was the only one living the vegan life!"

Here are some sites offering great relief, advice and, yes, camaraderie for those renegade vegan families:

VegFamily

Vegan Family House

Vegan Family Living

VegSource: Veg Parenting

VeganHealth.org: Profiles of Real Vegan Children

The Vegetarian Resource Group

PETA Media Center: Vegan Children--Healthy and Happy

Enjoy!

Do Moms Have a Harder Time Making Friends?

I think so. And so do many others over at Natural Moms Talk Radio.

Here's my response to their post. This basically sums up my thoughts:

I’m always struggling to make new friends. In one way, having a baby makes it easier to engage in small talk with other moms and say, “Hey, we both have little ones, let’s hang out.” But that’s only if I get the opportunity to actually talk to anyone!

I go to a playgroup every week and it’s just like the one described above–hectic. My one year-old son and I always arrive late so I miss out on all the conversations. Then I’m always chasing him as he tries to climb up chairs. I barely get to talk to anyone. Week after week we go to this playgroup and I still feel like a stranger to the group. I can’t help but feel like the outsider.

It’s so hard to break in. I don’t want to be melodramatic or paranoid, but I feel like they all hang out and leave us out. I mean, I remind myself that I go to playgroup primarily to expose my son to other kids but it’s as much for the moms, too. Hopefully I can actually talk to people when my son starts playing by himself.

I just feel like I'm dating again. "Does she like me? Can I ask for her number? Will we hang out? Is this (friendship) meant to be?"

As if I didn't have enough to worry about, now I need to make sure I have enough mama friends in my life. As for vegan mama friends... Yeah right! I'm not someone who holds a prerequisite that all my friends be vegan, but it would be nice to have someone to talk animal rights with. (I've met a great deal of vegan bitches/assholes who, while we share the same ethical views regarding animals, I would rather befriend a chair than deal with them for 10 minutes.) But it's just so hard to make new friends.

Any thoughts?

(Sorry if this post is rather jumpy... Keep in mind that it's almost 2 am! Bedtime is just around the corner...)

[Image via "Julie, Dave & Family" (Flickr)]

Hey, Is That a New Header?

Why, yes it is. Finally my site is coming into fruition. Now I just have to work on that whole content thang...

I have a teething child, I painted the bathroom today, I organized my jewelry--man, that made me realized how badly I need to grow up. My jewelry basically consisted of a box full of jelly bracelets and a plastic pink and blue spiked bracelet. Oh, and a Snoopy necklace.

I didn't do much writing, though. Oh, well.

That's my day in a nutshell. Oh, and I think we might take a trip to Chicago. I need to get outta this city for a bit. Nothing personal, just need to get away from the hum-drum daily grind.

Ok. Teething son beckons...

Why is Lakewood Spraying Chemicals in Their Parks?

Today while taking my son on a walk I decided to stop at Edward's Park in Lakewood to let him play. As I pushed the stroller to the park entrance I noticed some little white signs in the lawn saying "Keep Off -- Lawn Chemical Application."

I did a double-take. Lawn chemical application? Signs showing no kids or pets allowed on the grass? In a park?

The park reeked of toxins. I felt sick. And we immediately left.

Why is Lakewood doing this? Why do they feel the need to spray toxic chemicals in a park? Do they really expect kids to stay off the grass in a park? Do they know of any consequences of simply inhaling this chemical concoction?

I'd like to find the Park Dept.'s stance on using chemicals. Do all parks allow this? I'm going to contact my Councilperson and complain.

As I walked past Edward's Park on our way back home, the park was packed with kids all playing around the little white signs specifying "no kids allowed."

Just great.

--

It's nice I'm not the only one pissed about lawn chemicals. A blogger on RealNeo posted some interesting facts about these toxins. I really think lawn chemicals should be illegal. Why do people care that their lawns consist only of 100 percent grass? Why do people obsesses over a tiny plot of land? Get a life!

[No, I didn't take that photo. It's brought to you via Clare Wilkinson.]

Worried About Swine Flu? Wash Your Hands!

From Reuters:

Worried about swine flu? There is one easy way to protect against infection, health experts agree -- handwashing.

What a novel concept!

Little can be done to prevent an outbreak of flu from spreading, health experts caution, but they say common sense measures can help individuals protect themselves.

Number one is hand-washing, they say -- a surprisingly effective way to prevent all sorts of diseases, including ordinary influenza and the new and mysterious swine flu virus.

"Cover your cough or your sneeze, wash your hands frequently," advised Dr. Richard Besser, acting CDC director.

Hmm. Sounds a lot like the Regular Flu, which was a pandemic in my playgroup earlier this year.

Back at the Emergency Women's Shelter

Yesterday I came back to the land of "Three Hots and a Cot."

I used to be an AmeriCorps*VISTA with the Northeast Ohio Coalition for the Homeless (NEOCH). For almost two years I was an official advocate for homeless individuals. I would go to shelters and organize resident council meetings where concerned shelter residents would tell us their grievances. We would hear everything from how the food sucks and the place is infested with bed bugs to complaints of assault and sexual harassment.

I was involved with resident councils at both the largest women's and men's shelters, but I was especially passionate about the one at the women's shelter. This particular shelter was even referred to as "Guantanamo Cleveland" at one time. (I was actually involved with the very first women's resident council. The shelter had banned NEOCH for some time and we were allowed back in when I became a VISTA.)

I got to know many of the women at this shelter and took their plight seriously. Yesterday I went back to co-run the resident council meeting for the first time in over a year.

This meeting was my baby. We fought some major battles in that rundown building and, while I wish I didn't have to go back there to ensure women's rights, it feels good to be continuing the good fight.

Brief timeline from before I got pregnant: Residents who came to the meetings were being targeted by staff and faced staff retaliation simply for telling us their troubles. We repeatedly met with the shelter director and he gave us a slew of empty promises. Eventually, we got him kicked out (though not fired from the organization that runs the shelter--he was merely transferred to do something else) and several of the problem staff members got the boot.

Anyways, I was gone for this drama. Around this time I had Milo and was staying home with him. The shelter got a new director and new staff. Yesterday I did notice some changes (residents now got to watch TV) but too much stayed the same. I even recognized many of the women--not a good sign. I wish they had moved on to better things. I wish they were able to.

--
"Three Hots and a Cot" was the saying for this shelter. One of the staff members (a notorious bitch) would keep reminding residents to shut up and stop complaining because all the shelter promises is "three hots and a cot." No more, no less. The women yesterday informed me they don't even get that--they get "three colds and a cot," referring to the cold food being served.

I always thought this was horrible. Residents don't get any help? No case management? No job training? How will three hots and a cot work to stop the cycle of homelessness?

How Do You Create Lasting Social Change?

People involved in social justice movements always want to know the answer to this Big Question: How do we get x (them) to change their ways and become y (like us)?

x = meat-eaters; y = vegan
x = Republicans; y = Democrats
x = war mongers; y = tree huggers

...and etc.

I've been involved with many social justice movements and have always wondered if what I'm doing is making a difference. Or rather, is it even possible to "make a difference?"

So many things are wrong with the city, the country and the world that's it's easy to be overwhelmed with all the injustices and sob stories. I can buy organic food, I can be vegan, I can buy fair-trade, I can bike instead of drive. But is this the change I'm looking for?

What is the best way to create a lasting social change? Many people want universal health care in the US but how do we get it? By holding signs and surrounding ourselves with people that agree with us? Writing letters? It all seems so trivial for such a big issue. Many people want to stop factory farming... stop the war... stop the presses... but how is it done?

Obviously, I don't know so I'm asking for ideas.

--

I think about these kinds of things when I nurse Milo to sleep. It's dark and I have nothing to do but lie there and think. In college people seemed to have all the answers. Yes to this. No to that.

Basically I'm wondering how to best affect the world. There are many political people who are what I call "anti-kid." They are so wrapped up in being more socially-conscious than other people that they denounce anyone who breeds (kids waste resources and overpopulate the earth). There was a time when I didn't want kids because of the population issue. Then I got pregnant. But now I see that I'm raising a kid in a radical way and even though he's entitled to his own opinion, he's going to be shaped by two vegan, political parents. And he is the next generation.

I really think many social justice advocates need to re-evaulate their stance on having kids. Maybe all we can do for the world is to rear the next generation as we wished we'd been raised.

Hey, Let's Feed Babies Rocket Fuel!

From the Environmental Working Group (whom I love, btw!):

Researchers from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have reported that 15 brands of powdered infant formula are contaminated with perchlorate, a rocket fuel component detected in drinking water in 28 states and territories.

"Whoops! Sorry about that, babies! Didn't mean to push our poisoned products on you... or did we?"

First, there was melamine (among other contaminants before that), now there's rocket fuel. Couple that with the fact that major formula companies (NESTLE! Nestle! Nestle!!!) openly shove their products on new moms while at the same time discouraging breastfeeding (which only a handful of moms can successfully do, according to them) and you have one evil product. I swear that they hate babies.

Rocket fuel! Damn, formula companies aren't even trying to hide their evil side now.

Another Way Is Possible: Unschooling and Homeschooling

I am currently reading "Teach Your Own" by John Holt after having recently read "Learning All the Time" by the same author.

These books are amazing.

Holt is a pioneer of "unschooling," a type of homeschooling that is child-led. Parents take cues from their kids and teach them whatever they (the kids) are into. If the kids are into dinosaurs then parents take them to museums and learn everything they can about these prehistoric reptiles. The theory is that people learn best when they're receptive and genuinely interested in a subject.

Anyways, these books talk about the different ways to teach children by using the world around them. Holt also blasts public/private schools for being the sham that they are.

Public schools... If you ever want to get me angry then ask me about public schools. Ever since first grade I viewed school as a complete injustice and a total waste. At a very young age I asked myself, "What did I do to deserve this?" What did I do to deserve being locked up for six hours a day to go over useless information taught by a bitter, child-loathing tyrant? I can go on and on (and I will in another post!).

Schools do not equal learning.

In fact, I think public schools are the antithesis to learning for many children. Once you start reading about unschooling, you realize just how bizarre the whole mandatory schooling/compulsory education process really is. It's an injustice to so many children. It kills their spunk, their desire to learn. It's stupid.

A few of my friends unschool their children. They meet up in groups a few times a week for socilization and to have some fun. (Homeschooling is not about sitting alone with your child and doing workbooks for six hours a day!) I met the group at the Metroparks where the kids went exploring for fossils and crayfish. It was amazing. This was the type of life I wish I had as a child. I always loved to learn so naturally I was offended by being locked up in school.

Unschooling is a life of learning through play and learning by doing. As parents, it's our job to expose our kids to as many aspects of life as possible. Unschooling makes learning real. It makes it fun... no grades attached.

More on this later. I cannot say how excited I am by this concept. I've never felt so free...

Milo and His Bag of Tricks

Milo is feeling much better now. Hallelujah! And so is Jesse, who caught the flu right after Milo.

Here's a video I took earlier this week, pre-flu. Milo is now 14 months old and he's a little ham. He loves to make everyone laugh with his "cheezer" (where he smiles and wrinkles his nose), his "Home Alone" (where he slaps his hand to his face) and his famous "squint" (which he does really well at the end of the video.) Here, he does all three and shows off his talking skills ("dada").

Licensed to Ill

I've got a sick kid on my hands and we all know there's nothing worse than that. (Well, nothing worse that can be considered ordinary.) He's such a doll, though, and is still smiling and playing games with me between throwing up. I don't know what to do. He can't eat (not that he ate much anyways) and all I can do is nurse him and give him water, which doesn't stay in his tummy. Blech. The countdown is on until I come down with this nasty bug...

Milo was fine yesterday up until last night. Why do viruses always strike before bedtime? Seriously. Are viruses nocturnal or something? I probably should be napping with him... and maybe I will...

Btw, my blogroll disappeared with the new layout and I haven't gotten around to adding everyone's blogs back. So don't think I hate you if your blog link disappeared.

The Choice to Not Vaccinate

To vaccinate or not? That truly is the question.

My child is fourteen months old and hasn't received one vaccine. Not one. Nada. It hasn't been an easy decision to make. There is so much propaganda and skewed science on both sides of the debate that parents are left completely confused. For every study that says vaccines are safe, I can find one that says they're dangerous. For every child negatively affected by a vaccine, I can a child who caught a virus due to not being vaccinated.

There is no easy answer here. Just a lot of questions.

My son had a pediatrician appointment today for a well-visit checkup and the doctor, who was seemingly open about us not getting my son vaccinated, immediately launched into pro-vaccine rhetoric upon entering the room. She said I'm doing some rights things: breastfeeding into toddlerhood and avoiding daycares, but that he should be vaccinated nonetheless.

She asked why we chose not to immunize my son and all the sudden I went blank. I turned to Jesse so he would speak up instead. I have a bad habit of freezing up when put on the spot. Even when asked about issues I'm passionate about, I freeze and look like a total flake. It's annoying. It makes me looks (and feel) dumb.

Anyways, he talked about the link between vaccines and autism and how vaccines haven't done as much good as proponents claim. I added that the ingredients were controversial and that I didn't want anything containing fetal pig serum, aluminum and thimerosal injected into my sweet baby boy. I think she took us for people who got their medical info from tabloids (you know, the ones at the supermarket with "Man Marries Half-Sister Alien" stories on the cover).

I just kept repeating that, "You know, it's such a hard decision," which I fully believe is true. Unlike veganism, the decision to not vaccinate is difficult to explain and I can see the side of people who opt for delayed or selective vaccinations. Yet, doctors want to make us feel like irresponsible morons. Can you really blame parents for non trusting pharaceuatical companies? Those greedy bastards are never up to any good. I may have gotten my son vaccinated if the vaccines were safer. If there wasn't so much secerecy surrounding them. If I felt I could trust that the vaccine manufacturers/large pharmo companies would actually put human welfare over anything else like, say, money and profits.

But, no... I just can't. Inside Vaccines posted a wonderful opinion piece giving advice to vaccine proponents. It's definitely worth the read and sums up just why so many parents are questioning vaccines.

By the way, my peditrician recommended that I read literature from some Offitt guy. I did some research on him and it turns out he's a co-patent for the rotavirus vaccine. Hmmm...

Buying or Selling a Home?

If you need a real estate agent, please use Jesse Parsh from The Advantage in Real Estate (a local company! holla!).

He is: Honest. Fair. Everywhere.

Seriously, he's a go-getter who works hard to get people the house they want (or sell the house they've got). Plus, he's my boyfriend. He puts food on the table. But I'm not just advertising him for those reasons--I'm really proud of how well he's done. He works for people in any price range and is totally honest--not all slimy and schmucky like those other agents! ;) He's blue collar to the core!

Anyways, just have to get the word out!

Email: jesseparsh [at] yahoo [dot] com for more info.

Snatch up those $1 houses while you still can!

Know Anything About Creating Your Own Website?

Well... do you?

I'm planning to create my own website to advertise my writing. Right now I have a generic Wordpress site that I want to upgrade. I need my own domain (no "www.whatever.wordpress.com" anymore) and I need a place to host my site. Does anyone have tips on this stuff? I'm planning to run Wordpress--I just need to find a cheap place to buy my domain and host the site. I can design it just fine.

Speak up, geeks! =) hehe.

What White People Like

I've stumbled upon this site before and thought it was funny... but now I find it hilarious. It's painstakingly true. All the descriptions (the "white people") perfectly describe the people I went to college with: the people who want to learn tons of useless academic shit just so they sound smart, whose drive in life is to forgo everything "mainstream."

God, I hope I'm not like that.

I don't want to be against something just because someone deemed it as "mainstream." I may have done a little of this in the past, but I'm much more aware of it now. My boyfriend has really opened my eyes to this sort of non-conformist hypocrisy. In my eyes, he is a true nonconformist--an anarchist who isn't afraid of doing dumb things like watching TV or making money by becoming a real estate agent (not the most edgy/hip job out there...). He wears ripped clothing, and not the trendy kind of ripped clothing. He has really helped me see things for what they are and not to follow a prescribed alternative code of ethics.

I didn't intend on this being "Ode to Boyfriend." I'm just proud that he isn't so white, as "white" defined by What White People Like. Many of the white people described in those posts (the people I went to college with) loved to look down on people who, say, watched TV but I know for a fact those same people had no trouble wasting hours upon hours perfecting their Myspace (or Facebook) profiles. But are useless time-wasters IMO. Both are full of propaganda. Both are full of shit.

Anyways, my favorite posts are #106 Facebook (I love how they say Myspace is full of "the wrong kind of white people," calling it "Digital Detroit.") and #28 Not Having a TV and #47 Arts Degrees.

So funny.

Me So Busy

Damn, girl. I have so many topics in my head that I want to rant and rave about but I've just been so busy. Yes, you got it right, I'm too busy for you. Haha. Oh, how I love to act important.

Here's a video that I saw on the news last week. You may have seen it since it's technically "old news" but this stuff happens once in a blue moon and I can't let it fade just yet. The topic is serious (sorry to the poor woman) but I have to laugh nonetheless. How cruel for someone to make a joke out of a missing person (is that what it was?) but, you know, it's still so dang funny.

Work It, Mama!

I've been in a slump for the past few weeks. I don't what it is but I bet it's directly linked to this crappy (though average) winter weather. I like winter up until the holidays are over. Then the snow stops being festive and pretty and becomes a complete pain in the ass. Now, I don't believe in endlessly complaining about the weather. After all, I chose to live here knowing full well that the winters suck. (Hey, at least it's not as cold in Cleveland as it is in Ithaca, NY, where I went to college!) But, still, I can't help but dream about basking in the sun on a Caribbean beach...

Anyways. I work as a freelance writer. I always feel funny telling people what I do. I sound like such a hack. I bet people think I'm some half-baked college grad who fancies myself a writer because I received an A on some essay in high school and because I can inject the words "pedagogy" and "dichotomy" into a sentence and feel important. But the reality is that I do write and get paid cash for it. (Not much, though.) Therefore I am a writer... of sorts. Not a Writer--just a writer.

I currently write mainly for search engine optimization (SEO) content sites. It can be fun writing a fluff piece on "About Granny Panties" or "The Benefits of Nutritional Yeast" but it's not what I want to do forever. I need to find more clients. I need to expand my efforts. I need to go local. I need to go glossy.

One site I write for has been giving me a headache. Maybe I'm just losing my passion for working with them, I don't know, but it's been depressing me. I need to rise above this and think big. Writing is hard because if you keep it to yourself, you can remain confident in your ability to write but then you'll never get published. Then if you want to get published, you may get rejected. So it's either do nothing and risk being in the same place or take a chance and risk failing.

But I guess that goes for anything in life.

And when I get in a slump, I soon get so sick and tired that all I can do is take a big leap and jump out of it. I guess this is my impetus to change.

Oh, Give Me a Break: Cleveland's Not That Bad

Come on people, where's the love?

According to a new study, no one wants to move to Cleveland (or to any cities in the Midwest in general.)

Yes, Clevelanders, 88 percent of people surveyed don't want to be one of us. Actually, people who rather be Clevelanders than Detroiters, but that's the only city that scored worse than Cleveland.

And I say eff y'all.

We don't want any of you Denver-loving fools here anyhow. Y'all suck.

I mean, Seattle was cited as one of the most popular cities people want to move to. Seattle?! Didn't that city lose its cool after the early 90s? It's all rain and gloom.

I hate how Cleveland has such a bad rep. We're a great city. We have potential. We're down-to-earth. We're accessible. Yet we cave in to these damn stereotypes about how our city is second-class. So what if some wackos want to move to Denver instead of Cleveland. We need to rise above all this negativity and be a little smug. We have plenty to offer at an affordable price. Sure, much needs to be changed (in fact, a lot needs to be changed) but our troubles simply reflect those of the nation. The Midwest just happens to be America's dumping grounds.

So, yeah, eff y'all haters. We don't need you. We'll just sit here in our foreclosed neighborhoods, guarding our copper pipes, freezing our ass off. Hey, it will be warm soon and beautiful. Go have your Rocky Mountains and pretentious baristas.

Hooray to Obama...

...for lifting the ban on abortion funds! Now foreign family planning programs around the world can receive US funding. These clinics aren't just about providing abortions--they're about family planning, ie the use of contraceptives, birth control, etc. You know, offering services that may prevent an unwanted pregnancy to begin with.

I don't want to get into a whole discussion about the morality of abortion. It's such a tricky issue. Basically, I hate how it's so two-sided. I find a lot wrong with abortion but that doesn't mean I judge people who've had one. Everyone's situation is different. I think abortions should be legal but we need to do as much as possible to prevent abortions from happening in the first place. Hand out those condoms! Make the morning-after pill easy to access! Talk (yes, talk) about sex!

I just don't understand why some pro-lifers want to restrict birth control AND make abortions illegal... Wouldn't they want to do anything to prevent abortions from happening in the first place?

Superstar

Let's commemorate this week with a run-down of last year's events...

I'm not a big fan of birth stories--it's not that I don't care about a baby's birth, it's just that for some reason I can never read a birth story in its entirety. Maybe I'm scorned. Maybe I'm just easily bored. Or maybe I'm not a birth-y person. Either way, here is an annotated version of what took place a year ago.

Jan. 18th
Cramps escalate into full-on waves of pain. I can't write. I can't sit. I shake. I throw up. I writhe in the corner in a nest of pillows. Day passes into night and I'm exhausted but the pain forces me UP can't lie down can't sleep can't eat can't even drink a goddamn sip of water. I rock on a birth ball. I cry. I throw up blood and can't stay still and time... passes... slowly... I want to go to the hospital but I don't want to be turned away and have to come back home. Moans, cries, wails. I become dehydrated. I call the midwife and leave. Bags are packed. I won't be back until I have a baby in my arms.

Jan. 19th
Five A.M. into the hospital. I rock and barely and talk and wait for the wheelchair to push me to the third floor. The woman who wheeled me upstairs said, “Are you in labor?”

“Yeah…,” I responded.

“Get ready. Your life’s never going to be the same.”

Bitchy nurses in triage yell at me for not coming in sooner (apparently my doula told them I was coming in earlier on the 18th... whatever. It's not a damn hotel.) IVs make it better. Doula arrives. I go into the waterbirth room, later dubbed the "pain room." Doula puts music on the radio. I feel better until those bastards administer pitocin because contractions are slowing down. It's either that or go home. I take the pit but don't take any medications. Nurse asks what my plan is for pain relief. I say, "doula." I actually laugh and enjoy music until the pit sets in. Then I rock back and forth. Concentrate.

Pit gets the contractions going and is taken off. Yay! I slide into the tub and my doula puts in aromatherapy and plays tribal drumming music. The water is paradise. I never want to get out. I sway to the beats and nothing else matters. I'm controlled, on top of it. This is beautiful. This is what I want. I'm active. I'm alive.

Until I lie. I want it to be over with.

"Are you feeling the urge to push?"

"Yes! Yes!" That's a lie.

I have to get out of the tub and onto the bed until I progress with pushing. Little did I know I'd never get back into the tub. Pushing lasts three hours. Soon I feel the real, uncontrollable, raw urge to push. Everyone is yelling. Random people in scrubs hold me down, and push on my legs so I won't clench up.

"You have to push! You either do this or they're going to cut you! You've worked too hard to give up! If you don't cooperate, they will get the knife!"

Yelling. A fist shoves into me. This is the most painful sensation I ever experienced and I have to bear it. Accept it, even. I think, "OK, either I work with this and get it over with or I'm stuck here forever."

Anger. Stupid nurses enter and ask when I would be done. How do I effing know?! Push! Scream! Blood. Guts. I'm losing my zen. No medication and yet I'm put on more pitocin. I pull on a rebozo and push. I push sitting on the toilet. I walk attached to an IV. Classical music plays. Get that shit outta here--I hate classical music! Stomp! Push! Wait... Push! Wait... Push! Doula pours energizing Goop in my mouth. It dribbles onto my chin. Another packet is poured in. So tired. And nothing. I know nothing is happening when I ask my midwife if she feels the baby and she mumbles. Silence.

OB enters. Blabblab medical jargon. "C-section." The dreaded words. I don't even care. Cut me open, blast this baby out, just help me. The baby is coming down. He isn't even properly aligned and I keep banging his head on my pelvis. Acynclitic. Too much blood is coming out. It's too much. All too much.

"Do whatever. Do what needs to be done."

I don't want a c-section but I want what's best for my baby. It's not all about me any more. If he's getting hurt then I'm not going to sacrifice his safety so I can have my desired natural birth.

We decide to do a cesarean. I wait for the anesthesiologist, who is taking forever. I thought this was an emergency... Where is he? I keep asking people. "Get him!"

I push to no avail. No one bothers to stand there in hopes of catching the baby. I push harder. I push and can't suppress it. But no one cares anymore. My pushing is not important. Bring out the knife! My doula hugs me and we cry. "You are so strong..."

I'm wheeled to a cold operating room. I shake. I push. They put a needle in my back and suddenly I'm wrapped in an electric blanket--so warm, so relieved. "I don't feel good..." They clamp my hands down like a crucifix. I lift my hand and the surgeon promptly pushes it back. I lift it again and he pushes it back. It's hard to remain calm when you know your stomach is being split open. I feel my organs pull and shift. I cringe. "Are you done yet?" I think the OB got annoyed--jerk.

And then, "Oh there was no way you would have pushed this baby out."

10:22 p.m. (22:22) And I hear a cry. I smile. My baby! Five minutes later and I actually get to see him. My first view of my son was from a picture Jesse took. Jesse carries Milo back and he's all bloody with a bad bruise on his head. My baby...

I'm wrapped up and can't move an inch yet somehow I'm supposed to care for this baby. They wheel me into the room and I think, "How the hell am I going to feed this baby?" I'm exhausted and I have to learn how to breastfeed him. Luckily, he nursed like a pro.

We spent four days in the hospital. Those were days of cracked, sore nipples, anxiety, annoying nursing staff (and some extremely helpful nurses and LCs!), and walks down the hall. My exercise was to walk down a hall!

My baby. My Milo. Your birth wasn't all roses, but isn't that how a birth is supposed to be?

It's Almost One Year...

...Since I had my baby boy! I'm in shock. I will try to post his birth story when I find it.

In the mean time, here is a little Milo update. He will be one year old on Monday, January 19th. He's been walking lately. He can walk completely on his own from the living room to the kitchen, but he still likes to walk pushing his truck through the house. He can be a little demon, though--I often catch him aiming his truck at me, the dog, or Jesse's head when lying on the floor. Easy, child!


Milo is such a good-natured, fun-loving boy. He loves to make mommy and daddy laugh. Lately he squints his eyes and makes this goofy face to get us cracking up. Once he sees us laughing, he does it again and again and again. I take him to a baby-and-me class at the library where we sing songs and listen to music. Milo loves this and he especially likes when the teacher blows bubbles throughout the room. (We're trying to find little bottles of bubbles for his birthday party!) He dances now. Usually I play 80s music for him. H's favorite song is still "Devil Town" by Tony Lucca, though it has lost some of the sedative effect it initially had.

Milo is just such a happy kid, though he is starting to throw little tantrums if I move him away from something he wants. Yes, tantrums already. But overall he is just a joy. And that's exactly why, among other reasons, I don't want anymore kids--I will never have a baby who is this easy-going. The next baby would be the baby-from-hell. I know it. So don't try to tell me otherwise!

Dogs, cats, and kids are Milo's favorite at the moment. He knows what a dog is and how a dog goes "woof, woof, woof." He says "dog," and "Da-Da." Still no "mama" yet...


This summer will be so much fun. We'll actually be able to leave the house! I have big plans for this summer... can't wait!

I'm Not Crunchy

What's the deal with this "crunchy" label that alternative moms like to bestow upon themselves? I never heard of moms calling themselves crunchy until I joined the MotheringDotCom (MDC) forum. MDC is the online community of Mothering magazine that's centered around alternative parenting, natural birthing, etc. Nearly of the moms call themselves crunchy in some point in time and list all their attachment parenting (AP) credentials.

[Hey, you aren't the #1 mom! That isn't even an organic stuffed animal!]

For example, "I'm a crunchy, babywearing, non-vaxing, non-circ'ing, homebirthing, organic food growing, breastfeeding, no TV watching, unschooling, radical mama of three."

Well, okay then.

I made up that example but I'm sure you could find many signatures on MDC just like this.

How did natural parenting become a list of actions (bling) to flash into other people's eyes? It's been reduced to a bunch of labels to strive for just to be more AP/natural than anyone else. I mean, I do many of those things (breastfeed, non-circ) and I like to tell people my stances on these issues, but I don't want to do these things just to do them. I don't want to be an AP perfectionist. I want to be the mom who makes the best choices for my family based on the circumstances that we're in.

Does that make sense?

And, if that's crunchy, can I be smooth?

Breastfeeding Advocacy Shirts Give-Away!

Attention all lactivists (and little lactivists)! A Mother's Boutique is giving away free baby breastfeeding advocacy shirts every day in January. Check out their Mommy News Blog post for contest details. I especially like the shirts that say "Mama's Milk: Often Imitated, Never Duplicated" and "Cows Milk is for baby cows, soy milk is for baby beans, Mama's milk is for me!"

Now's the time to show your breastfeeding pride, especially in wake of the recent Facebook scandal.

Hello, I'm Awkward (Or How I Made Today Suck)

You're not supposed to have ambivalent feelings about being a mom. You're supposed to love every minute of it. You may complain at times, but you tell people you wouldn't have it any other way.

I love being a mom--don't get me wrong--but some days are just so dull.

Today Milo and I did nothing. We stayed in, as usual, and played with the same old toys. You see, I don't always have access to a car during the day. Couple this with the fact that it's cold outside and you have two house-bound people. It sucks.

And today he would not nap until three hours past his normal naptime. Spare me, child!

Most of all, what I think was worst about today was that we missed play group. Play group is our time to socialize with other babies and mamas. It's a much-needed thing, especially for someone like me who tends to be antisocial. (I'm not always, but sometimes I am.)

And we missed that today. Blah. I've come to the realization that to escape these doldrums I need to do the thing I dread--pick up the damn phone and call someone. I loathe the phone. It's just so awkward and I always feel that I'm annoying people. Email is better for convenience but then you risk not getting a response. Even though I often forget to respond to people, I hate when it happens to me. The only way to get a real-time response is to make that call. So here I go. Like a little kid I have to work up the nerve to dial the right number and sheepishly ask, "Hey... ummm... Do you want to, like, hang out or something?"

But if I don't do this, we'll be stuck in this same boring situation and it will suck ass because I'll know it's all my fault for not being assertive enough to change things. And both Milo and I will suffer the consequences.
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Disclaimer: OK, so I'm not nearly this bad with the phone, but I hate it nonetheless. See, I actually pick it up once in a while.